Imagination and Adulthood

I wanted to keep up with writing this week, I wanted, since Sunday to be able to post something on the blog every single day in order to practice my writing and getting into a habit of actually writing. The only way to get better is to practice, and the only way to accomplish my goal of finishing the play, is to find a routine, and just keep at it.

Yesterday was instead filled with a bunch of other stuff. Work and small jobs and looking for ways to get the influx of money I so desperately need, all the while by not losing my creative self in the mean time. By actually using it, what I have accumulated in terms of talent and skills, I'm starting to believe (again) that there are ways to get by and to live.

I've continued reading "Just Kids" by Patti Smith and I'm hooked, it's such an inspiring story of just how much one is able to endure for the sake of one's own art. Now I'm in a privileged place in comparison, I've never had to bum around on the streets, and hopefully I will never have to. I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge and an extended family that loves and supports me. 

As I was reading yesterday though I realized that there's something about her belief in herself and in her art that makes all those situations bearable. She knows that through what she does she will always have it. And yesterday I started missing that feeling inside myself. I used to believe highly in myself and in my abilities, there was always and has always been a shadow of doubt in my acting, but in everything else I've been more or less fearless. And now I miss it. I felt like a cold curtain was over me, holding me back. Like a veil I could see, but not pierce, through and I went to sleep wondering where that had come from.

Do we censor ourselves as adults? Do we minimize our risk taking for logic? Do the consequences of amounted responsibilities result in less imagination, and if so, how do we reverse the process? Or at least become aware of it?

I don't want to be a person stuck at 70 on a 110 Highway. I want to get back to believing in myself and in my abilities, because I can't see myself living off of anything else for the moment.

Today I'm patiently waiting for a text that will probably never come, and tomorrow's the same. These commercials, I know, have literally nothing to do with talent but with how you look and if you match the profile that they're ultimately looking for. But it would be nice to book at least the one where I felt I did a good job.

Don't be a stranger! Loves