FREDRIK SCHEIKE

Tänkte att jag skulle ta och publicera följande novell på Reedsy för en tävling och en möjlighet att vinna 250$, men det visade sig att när jag väl lyckats skriva över 1200 ord på mindre än 24 timmar, att det tydligen kostade att ställa upp i tävlingen. Jag har inte den budgeten eller möjligheten att "slänga pengar i sjön", och kan inte gambla, även om jag själv tycker att storyn är rolig. Så ni får den i sin helhet på engelska här istället. Prompten för tävlingen var "Slow down: Start your story with a character canceling their plans."

(Kodak Color 200, shot on my Canon F1 with a 100mm lens.)

In less than a month's time we're premiering "LLA-VES" written by Nerea Lovecchio , my extremly inspirational wife, and produced by her studio Estudio Nerea Lovecchio . Not only am I nervous about the premiere, it's by far one of the most challenging roles that I've ever tackled and I'm so grateful for the opportunity. The play revolves around a family of three and the peculiar situation that they are all in. When odds and ends untie, the plot evolves and when the tension rises, their relationships are tried and tested to the max. The challenge of this role is something that I've always wanted to tackle and the evolution of this character, before and during the performance is something that I am working intensely on. It's also a great deal of fun accepting the challenge, once again, of acting for adults in a language where I am still not 100%, Spanish. It pushes me even further, both mentally and physically than I ever thought possible...

Phew, I haven't been writing here for a long time, and I realized I have a lot of things and a lot of posts that I still have to finish. Stories, poems, thoughts and musings. But none of that right now. This is just one of those "What have you been up to lately?" posts, because my life is so interesting. Or simply because I feel like writing it down, because quite literally, you know, memories and stuff. Life. I've been extremely busy lately. Working around 60-70 hours per week in between my new and old job and stuff and projects on the side as well. It's been real hectic and I'm honestly quite tired of the high rhythm, but at this point in time and life there's nothing really that I can do. It's a very sensitive moment and I should actually put even higher gears in, but the day only has so many hours and minutes, am I right? The other day I had two long wonderful chats together with two separate friends, all equally loving, caring, intel...

I'm standing in front of a river, a free flowing, powerful stream. I hear it roar in my ears, I can feel its pure energy piercing my spirit. Its natural force makes me pale in comparison. Its age, carved into the layers of the earth for thousands upon thousands of years makes my entire existence seem puny, seem like a flower in the wind. And maybe that's the key? I stand before awe inspiring life and think about death, I think about the human cycles and how we will all cease to exist and how in a few hundred years, no one will ever remember you. I look into the swirling, into the bubbly and into the foam and I feel it pulling through the ages, through the generations. I feel a stronger connection to the wild waters than to all what our modern lives have to offer. I look deep beneath its surface and I see, not what Narcissus saw, but a much truer beauty than one's perishable face. I stand before the river, wondering how to get across, wondering how to get back...

I've, since a couple of weeks ago, dabbled with the idea of giving form to my poetic scribblings. Meaning, trying to publish at least a couple of the more than 500+ things that I've written that I keep in my various black books. I've started on my fourth since I actually decided to copy them all down into "one definite" collection. Before, they were all spread out. Some on paper that people toss, some over the internet, some in forums or on social media or here or.. yeah you get it. 6 years have now passed since I started rewriting and collecting them. 6 years, but probably at least the double of actually writing them. I've always mainly written for myself, and I rarely share things or give things away. For me it's like an introspection into certain moments, observations or mindsets that I, in a specific situation, formulate into what I write. But now, feeling that I've surpassed more than probably +4000 hours of writing, maybe I want to share it,...

What a week. What a week. In the world in general honestly. Working every single day, Donald Trump elected president, Leonard Cohen dies and I've passed my 2 month anniversary as a 28 year old. Obviously in an ascending order of importance. All jokes aside, I can't believe how quickly both September and October flew by and how we're already really gearing up for what it is our busiest period. We're working back to back and nonstop with a number of different, both old and new plays, and I have my work at the academy, my private classes and my odd casting job here and there. Obviously time passed quickly in October because it was the preparation of all that is and was to come during this time, but still.. I'm flabbergasted, taken aback, aghast with how rapidly time passes. Every day is thrust upon you in an ever increasing velocity, whether you're ready or not. Sometimes you don't even see it coming, but all of a sudden it's saturday, next week, time t...

The last few days, well, the last two weeks have been a little turbulent to say the least. I've not found a real place for myself to sit down and just be, take time for me, process and actually write things down the way that I would like. Well, I haven't taken or I haven't had. The wording doesn't really matter. I've essentially had to much on my mind in order to let my mind wander to the place from which I usually create. I was sick with a complete loss of voice, which made me sound more terrible than Frankenstein's monster and made it more painful to speak than if you had razorblades in your throat. And just a few days ago my uncle finally died. I say finally, which makes it sound kind of terrible, but I mean it in the most loving, caring and remembering way possible. I haven't been able to find any words and it's been really difficult for me to express myself and my feelings. I can normally find them with ease, but this has been a mind numbing exper...

By and large, we're pretty much living the dream as actors when we are able to support ourselves by doing what we actually love to do. When we don't have to run with the tail in between our legs to the closest Starbucks in order to scrape together the last little pennies for rent every month. When we actually do what we love and get paid for it, that right there is the epitome of success. Which of course leads me to talk about something that I'm so darned proud of and proud to be able to support. I'm talking about Nerea's latest project which is her studio, aptly named "Estudio Nerea Lovecchio". I know it's been a dream for her for quite some time now, but now finally the stars have aligned and made the opening of her own space possible. It's something truly emotional to watch your partner actually make a dream come true. It's a profound shared joy that I feel and an enormous sense of pride for her bravery and entrepreneurial spirit, becaus...

You are not restricted, limited or bound by your past. You are, today, completely free of your past. That's what Saturday's (although I recovered it today) central thought for my meditation was. Now what does that mean? What does "being free of your past" actually mean? As I was meditating, I of course kept reciting the mantra to keep my mind focused, but I've also learned that you accept the thoughts that pop into your head, because if you actively ignore them they will only grow stronger. So I felt sadness and I almost started crying when thoughts of my past came into my mind. Why is that? I don't really know.  I've always believed that your past is what defines where you are right now which in term means that you are a product of it, not that it holds you captive. Your present day and moment are all products of what choices you've made in the past. Everything, no matter how small or big has lead you to this moment and all your choices a...

I don't know. I wanted to write something with meaning, and I wanted to write something constructive and personal and something that could touch and be reflected upon, but instead I have an enormous block. I guess I don't really recognize myself at times. Maybe the time of blogging for me is over and the time of diaries has just begun. I was gifted a beatuifully hand painted text book that I take with me almost everywhere I go and in that I've been writing both stories and tiny observations in the past couple of weeks. It's great to invent and make up stories and have the opportunity to just put it down as soon as it pops up. One of the reasons why I wanted to write today is because I woke up from a "nightmare", well let's just call it a lightmare, because it wasn't as if I, or anyone I know, was dying or chased or anything like that. I was in the middle of an exam, and everybody was there and I mean everybody. Teachers, friends and family...

Recently I've been thinking a lot about what talent means, where confidence comes from, what success means and how we constantly define ourselves in the reflection of the people around us. You know, the smaller things in life. I recently had a run-in with a person who for me would classify as a hack, a person who has it's moments but for the most time rarely does anything out of the extraordinary, but who has all the confidence in the world. How is this possible and who do I call to get a dose of the same? A lot of people through the years have seen me as confident, almost to the point of being cocky and arrogant, and people in general have not been shy in voicing their opinions about my way of being or acting, no pun intended. I'm either full of myself, an asshole or any other beautifully phrased derogatory term. Not that I take offense or even take note, if people are bothered maybe, just maybe it's really them who struggle with something big, not me. But...

I write when I feel I have to get something out. Or when I feel I've pondered something for a long time. I rarely lately write for the pure passion of writing and that's kind of sad. I wish I could take more time to actually do it. Well, there is time, there's always time, it's just a matter of priorities and choices really, two of the skills that sometimes I wonder whether or not I will ever acquire. Because how do you? How do you become an expert decision maker? By experience and by making the wrong ones is the easy answer, by making uncomfortable ones is an extension and by never abstaining from making one is the ultimate component. Honestly, I wasn't even going to write about decision making, but as decisions are what have led me to the point I am and what I was really going to write about, it serves as a good starting point. Being poor is expensive. Never have I understood that phrase until I've actually lived it. It's more expensive not to afford...

Instagram is an amazing app that most of us now use more than daily. We upload anything and everything and can receive commentaries, images and videos from friends and we can even connect with our favorite celebrities and catch up on trends. We can use it to laugh or to be moved and we can use it to motivate ourselves. It's a truly great tool for self-promotion and I personally, as an actor, can tell that the pictures that I've uploaded from either something creative, or a project that I'm involved with are the images with the highest impact. I personally have almost 600 followers and I follow a little bit more. A lot of the friends that I have on my lists post stuff about everyday life, some of my actor friends post the occasional headshot or set picture, there are Mom's and Dad's who publish their babies, photographers who publish great pictures, models who publish stuff from their latest photo shoot, and selfies, selfies and selfies. On any given moment of a...

So what happens when we lose track of who we are? What's our true identity, where is our true self anchored and how does it all tie into creativity? In the assumption of various characters that we play during our everyday life we tend to reflect parts of us that correspond to the certain prerequisite of that part. Meaning, we choose in which moments, which parts of us, we deem appropriate to share with the world. It's not appropriate to go to a business meeting in slacks and call your boss a loser, it's not appropriate to do this, say that and the other. It's the fragmented way that's the societal way. But when and where do niceties, politeness, manners and the will to be appropriate end and where is there a room to explore who we, under all the layers that we've accumulated, really are? It's all just a bunch of semi-philosophical thoughts running around my head, because lately I've been feeling shattered. Shattered into small, not to say ti...

I wanted to keep up with writing this week, I wanted, since Sunday to be able to post something on the blog every single day in order to practice my writing and getting into a habit of actually writing. The only way to get better is to practice, and the only way to accomplish my goal of finishing the play, is to find a routine, and just keep at it. Yesterday was instead filled with a bunch of other stuff. Work and small jobs and looking for ways to get the influx of money I so desperately need, all the while by not losing my creative self in the mean time. By actually using it, what I have accumulated in terms of talent and skills, I'm starting to believe (again) that there are ways to get by and to live. I've continued reading "Just Kids" by Patti Smith and I'm hooked, it's such an inspiring story of just how much one is able to endure for the sake of one's own art. Now I'm in a privileged place in comparison, I 've never had to bum aroun...

So, one of the major things in Spain in this moment are the upcoming presidential elections, on the 20th of December, and what kind of "blogger" would I be if I didn't have my two cents about absolutely everything? Not to diminish neither my own opinion, my right to express it or the importance of politics of course. As I don't have my voting card and I'm not sure how I would go about acquiring one should I be allowed to have one, the best way to participate in these elections is to inform myself of the various options that are out there. On one side of the scale you have a bunch of smaller left wing parties, syndicalists, communists, workers unions and the united left. We move further on the scale and we find bigger parties like the sensation Podemos and the older social democrat PSOE. Moving right along, the scale tips towards the blue PP, the even more extreme right Ciudadanos and out towards the brown, and darker, parties. It's a really dauntingl...

I know I'm probably bound to grind someone's gears, but so be it because I decided to check out The Godfather Part 2 over the weekend, which has most certainly been a long time coming. And can I just say, wow, what a movie. The acting, the story, the shots, the details, the production. Bravo, bravo, bravo. But of course, everybody already knows that. If there was just one little flaw that I could be such a devil's advocate as to point out was the character of Hyman Roth, well, not so much the character, but the fact that I didn't believe a single thing coming out of the person's mouth. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, there was just something so artificial about the delivery that made it feel like it wasn't "in tone" with the film. Even though "bad guys" are bad, you're supposed to have some sort of empathy with them, but for me, it was the only character that I couldn't connect to. And then I looked at the cr...

My head is a clutter, a clusterfuck if you will, and I need to let my thoughts breathe. I need to put them on paper or at least get them out so that I can fill it up with more necessary information, and at the same time take pride in both writing them and expressing and sharing an opinion. Also, I do believe that every time anyone sits down to actually write, we exercise, both our mind and our ability. I've had so many interesting conversations with people of all colors and creeds, and I've been taught lessons by masters and superiors, but also by people who perhaps unknowingly didn't understand the impact of what they say. One tidbit of this, which I always remember, which I happened to bring up in a conversation just a little over a month ago was something that I've been told ever since I started acting professionally, by almost all my teachers, no matter where in the world. "If you can see yourself being something else than an actor, then do it." ...

At long last I've found my way back to my blog. It's interesting and kind of surreal going back and reading all my thoughts that I for some, or other reason, thought it important to express. I did a huge overhaul and laughed, reflected and often wondered at what I had written. Not wondered like, "OH MY, I WRITE SO WELL", but the other type of wonderment. So how is life in this very moment? Extremely interesting. As always, no? There are honestly no dull moments in life, it's just a matter of how you choose to fill them. Since last time I wrote, things have really been changing. I mean, 2013 till 2015, who couldn't and wouldn't expect it? Last year I took the decision to move to Madrid and N. To leave school and what I called and had made as a home in Los Angeles. It was a series of decisions and reasons that eventually made it self evident that this would be the next step in my life, so I "metaphorically" jumped. We've been living...