FREDRIK SCHEIKE

Det firades nyss Thanksgiving i USA, en högtid som är extremt kontroversiell egentligen, då man firar kolonialism och hur rik man blev på allt man roffade åt sig av både land och urinvånare, men som ändå belyser en väldigt, väldigt, viktig del av den mänskliga sammansättningen. Tacksamheten. Jag ser ingen som helst mening att importera sagda högtid till våran del av världen, men den får mig ändå att stanna upp och tänka till, kanske är det i sviterna av att ha bott där i nästan 4 år, eller så är det för hur otroligt viktigt just tacksamhet är för mig.

Det regnar ett stilla regn utomhus, mörkret har lagt sig för längesen och jag hör själv hur jag andas allt långsammare. Stilla knäpper fingrarna mot det mekaniska tangentbordet när stormen tilltar och mina nya lakan frasar i otakt med regnet som nu fullkomligt öser ner. Tankarna är luddiga, tankarna är trötta och hjärnan verkar återigen sväva ut i det förflutna och jag vet inte om jag ligger i mitt pojkrum på Ärtvägen och tittar ut genom fönstret från min våningssäng, om jag känner doften av nymanglade lakan med mormor i Upplands Väsbys tvättstuga eller om jag hör plåttaket på baksidan i Bjursås som täcker verktyg, färg och fernissa. Oavsett vad, jag är här - och där, samtidigt.

Att bygga en grund. Oavsett om den är emotionell, relationsmässig eller varför inte rent byggnadsmässig, så fyller grunden samma funktion. Den förankrar, den står fast och den ser till att du kan bygga vidare, uppåt, sträva mot nya höjder och stå starkt och stabilt även när det blåser upp till storm. När du inte har en grund att bygga vidare ifrån, då blir tidens-, nyckens- och vädrets hand din mästare istället. Så hur gör man?

Jag dagdrömmer ofta och mycket och på senaste tiden har jag haft starka visioner om platser där jag varit i mitt liv, och känslan jag upplevde när jag var på just den platsen. Jag kan sitta i mitt vardagsrum och helt plötsligt höra vågorna rulla in över en strand i Södra Kalifornien, eller känna brisen och doften ifrån en insjö i Dalarna utan att röra mig en millimeter. Är det friheten som vill göra sig påmind?

You are not restricted, limited or bound by your past. You are, today, completely free of your past. That's what Saturday's (although I recovered it today) central thought for my meditation was. Now what does that mean? What does "being free of your past" actually mean? As I was meditating, I of course kept reciting the mantra to keep my mind focused, but I've also learned that you accept the thoughts that pop into your head, because if you actively ignore them they will only grow stronger. So I felt sadness and I almost started crying when thoughts of my past came into my mind. Why is that? I don't really know.  I've always believed that your past is what defines where you are right now which in term means that you are a product of it, not that it holds you captive. Your present day and moment are all products of what choices you've made in the past. Everything, no matter how small or big has lead you to this moment and all your choices a...

Puh. Yesterday was a tough day to be honest. I started the morning learning about the horrible things that had happened in Paris just the night before and my social media feeds were all going bonkers. And no wonder, such an inhumane and cruel attack rightfully should cause a stir. But more on that later. I then, when I was finally alone in the house decided to do my meditation, before going in to put rehearsal. Yesterday's meditation was a fascinating one where I ended up "confusing" or rephrasing the centering thought. The original one read, "I release myself from obstacles and boundaries " but I ended up with "I release myself from restrictions and limitations" similar, but not the same. The meditation itself was okay, I couldn't really relax on the cold stone floor, but the centering thought that I constructed stayed with me for the remainder of the day. Later in rehearsal, things went to shit for me. I didn't feel true or alive in any ...

This is the second bundle of the week, and of the blog in general. And this time because all of the meditations up until today have been really, really powerful in terms of how they've left me. Especially powerful was days 8-10 where the focus has shifted, on how to turn beliefs into actions, and how to make a cohesent set of core beliefs available to you. What are these beliefs that everyone should carry with them, which everybody should build their persona upon? I'm loving and loveable I'm worthy I'm safe and trusting I'm fulfilled and whole Which sounds like it might be a piece of cake, and it should be. But life comes in between, and experiences filter themselves into what you build your identity upon. They, unfortunately, manifest themselves deeper than we might think, and we can often feel tempted to add a "but" or an "or" to what should be our core beliefs. "I'm loveable but I don't deserve to be loved" is an exa...

A bundle together of the mediations that I did over last weekend, simply because my computer broke down and I don't really feel comfortable writing on someone else's. And also because they weren't really fruitful finally. We, in normal fashion, spent the weekend in Naval because of work and by being out of my normal meditational environment I felt a little off, which affected how deep and how concentrated I could get. I was constantly focused on sounds or thoughts kept popping in like "what if they think I'm weird or in their way?" - which are funny thoughts when you're meditating on your own self-worth and what you believe that you, yourself deserve. Repeating the mantras felt weird and I felt out of place. I didn't do much contemplation afterwards either, when maybe, those are the moments where I should do it the most. As I'm headed there tonight as well, just for one night, but still, we'll see if this weekend proves more fruitful in t...

I was on set yesterday, for the entire day, and I didn't have my computer with me to do yesterday's meditation, so today's going to be a little back to back. Nor, looking back on it, did I have any sort of time to do the full 20 minutes yesterday, nor did I have internet, so all in all, I did it this morning. Today's centering thought was; "My true self can be trusted to lead me" and the mantra for the day can be loosely translated into; "My actions and desires are supported by cosmic intelligence" which would be a mouthful to repeat, but apparently it was condensed into three little, vowel-filled words. That's why I say "loosely" translated, because I really doubt that the literal meaning is what you're repeating. Today I found it really easy to slip into meditation mode. I was easily fully relaxed and with a couple of breaths the world of introspection began to open itself up. Even though relaxed, I had to fight my right eye f...

Having published the other post at exactly 00:00, what is day 1 and day 2 gently bleeds in to one another. Like they normally do, of course, but it just became so visual with the fortunate hour of publishing. Day 2 of the Meditation experience offers the centering thought of; "What I believe makes me who I am" which is a thought that I can now, as I meditated early this morning, carry with me and contemplate all day. The mantra for today is loosely translated to "I am" , which in Sanskrit resonated deeply as I repeated it. I mean this, that when I went deeper in my relaxation, my breath changed and with the change of my breath inevitably the voice and the way it resonates inside my instrument changes. Using round sounds like "oh" and "M" sounds really reaches down inside the body and I felt a vocal support from my tailbone all the way through the fibers of my muscles in my rib cage. A powerful feeling, which is of course a brilliantly s...

I just started my third Meditation Experience, well, the first one that I actually do on time, and with the full intention of doing every day and boy was today a challenge. The centering thought for the day is; "My beliefs enhance my life". With a sanskrit mantra loosely translated to; "I am absolute existence". Sitting in our dark bedroom, it was easy to relax, but still I struggled. It's like a muscle that you have to workout, or some meditations are simply more powerful than others, in terms of what they awake in you. I felt my mind drifting a little bit, and found myself worrying about both time and the fact that I was occupying the only route to go the bathroom. Which later turned out to be true, I had been an obstacle, it's strange how much you can feel from a distance. I found my mind drifting to New York, memories of people and places, I found myself looking at an Instagram picture, mentally of course, of a beautiful space that one of my fri...

"Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed, The dear repose for limbs with travel tired; But then begins a journey in my head To work my mind, when body's work's expired: For then my thoughts--from far where I abide-- Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee, And keep my drooping eyelids open wide, Looking on darkness which the blind do see: Save that my soul's imaginary sight Presents thy shadow to my sightless view, Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night, Makes black night beauteous, and her old face new.     Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,     For thee, and for myself, no quiet find."   One of my favorite of the multitude of Shakespeare's Sonnets, this is number 27. As in Sonnet 27, not my 27th favorite. It was given to me in class in a moment, and I've remembered it ever since. One could remember worse things, that's for sure, but sure is that this sonnet marked me. I also leave you with one of the most beautiful songs I...