Meditation Experience day 11

Puh. Yesterday was a tough day to be honest. I started the morning learning about the horrible things that had happened in Paris just the night before and my social media feeds were all going bonkers. And no wonder, such an inhumane and cruel attack rightfully should cause a stir. But more on that later.

I then, when I was finally alone in the house decided to do my meditation, before going in to put rehearsal. Yesterday's meditation was a fascinating one where I ended up "confusing" or rephrasing the centering thought. The original one read, "I release myself from obstacles and boundaries" but I ended up with "I release myself from restrictions and limitations" similar, but not the same.

The meditation itself was okay, I couldn't really relax on the cold stone floor, but the centering thought that I constructed stayed with me for the remainder of the day.

Later in rehearsal, things went to shit for me. I didn't feel true or alive in any moment and the actions and text were clear to me but not to anyone else. Everything I tried only came out false, and not with the joy I had felt creating during the last rehearsal. I was on a good route then, but something happened. A difference of opinion arose talking about the text and when we eventually and finally decided to re-write my entire part, in order for it to make more sense, something inside me burst. So all of a sudden I was crying while writing, unable to tell anyone what was actually going on. I even had a really hard time identifying it to myself and when it finally came around, that I felt artistically impaired, a fraud and worse, like I didn't belong, I almost couldn't pull myself together. After a 5 minute break, I eventually calmed down, but by constantly having the thought of "I release myself.." in my head, I didn't want to stop unorganically. After lunch things went, somewhat, back to normal with my mood and I finally heard back from the people that I still hadn't heard from in Paris. I think part of the reason I felt the way I did and why I broke down like I did is because of the simple fact that the attack really affected me on a personal level, without having anyone directly or indirectly involved.

Don't be a stranger! Loves