10/3 (12/3) - Disorder

There are times when you find yourself doubting, you find yourself questioning yourself - is it all really worth it? What is the greater good for which I continue to fight along?

There are times when you find yourself thinking, how fucking dumb can a man get to throw himself in to this kind thing by his own will? How selfdestructive and demolishing mush one be?

There are times when you find yourself with all the troubles of the world on your shoulders, when everything is against you and you find yourself struggling against everything with nothing.

There are times when you find yourself the happiest of them all and no one can take you down. No matter what they say - life is good, you've got friends and family and the sun is shining.

This day, is nothing at all like the one described just above. A little bit, it's for sure, but not completely and entirely.

I began the day with rising between 6:50 and 7:00 with thoughts saying - this is going to be a cool day, this is going to be a day to relax on and hey even if I'm in school - I'll have the time to get some rest and perhaps even finish some schoolwork - excellent! Two hours of philosophy flown by with loads of noises though - not from my part - but Philosophyclass Saturdaymornings, what on earth were they thinking..? Well, they flew by and afterwards I went out eating crêpes with nutella as the habit demands. We were 5 all and all and we ate and played table-soccer, I lost everytime - but it was all fun and games..!

I went eating with Clement, Nathan, Alexandra, Marie and some other fellow and after that straight home to homework! I went home and after a quite bumpy busride I got out.. But can you imagine what happened on the bus...? All of a sudden this bloke a few seats beside me starts THROWING UP all over the place..! Eew, over the window, over himself, his girlfriend and everywhere.. I'm glad I got off at the moment I did - he did too so he just stood by the bus stop and did his thing. I got into the house met all of the regular family and also Julie who's taking some time to study here instead of in Paris in her flat. I frankly understand her - living in Paris with two other girls during exam-period..? No thanks.

I got up to my room after a little coffee and started on my Litterature. I read more than 45 pages and I actually did the homework too - I think - if I understood it correctly. I got into town to watch some Rugby with Marion and during the bustrip I call up Delphine to talk. She invites me to cinema with her sister and one of her friends. I say - yah, why not? I just have to talk to my hostfamily to check if everything's alright. Lars von Triers 'Direktör' (how I was convinced he was Swedish first!! Gah, need to fix my culture..)

I meet Marion and we get to Pascal - our Rugbybar where we've now picked more than 6 glasses.. Shame on us, haha! The match between Wales and Italy finishes to Italy's advantage which means that I have to pay the next round.. Hrrms.. YOU FOUGHT WELL WALES..!

I get a message from Delphine and things start going bad. I decline the invitation because I think I'm going to be too tired to enjoy the film. I get called up and I get fought at - I mean what can I say..? I get home - talks to a depressed friend at home for a long long time while my phone starts ringing at 22:00. I don't want to answer as I am speaking with someone else so I just let it ring. I get to bed at 23:30 after having been yelled at 2 days in a row. It's not like I'm angry or anything - just curious, like what the hell..? When you need your friends the most it's not the perfect time to start yelling at them, right? I've never demanded anything out of her and suddenly I get everything at once!

Bah!

Anyway I have to get to school right now.. It's going to be a top-day, yay!

Loads of love from the family dininghall!

Bisous

Fredrik