Why Are You Not Inspired?

I love it, I've for some reason found my way back to the endless words that are able to pour out of me and unto paper. Or blog. Or TextEdit rtf-files. You get the gist of it. I haven't felt I've been able to write as well for the past couple of weeks, as I did back out east or even back home - but ask and you shall receive, and bountiful gifts too!

The gift has always been with me, I've never lost it, I've just been out of touch with it. Like I haven't been able to tap into it - like (yes, I know, I sound like such a valley girl, like, like, duh) something has been missing. For a brief moment last fall I felt I missed my anxiety. It's been a such a major part of me for the majority of my latter forming years. I've constantly lived with it, or the "fear" of getting another attack. There were even periods where I actually provoked an attack because I'd become so dependent on it.

As we all know, addiction is never anything good. And if your addiction is actually psychologically hurting yourself, you're a little bit fucked up. Believe you me, I know. It was a defining part of me for such a long time that I felt lost without it. I didn't want it back, yet there was a piece of me missing that I mourned the loss of. I've used my anxiety and periodical depression as a force of creation and inspiration. In the darkest despairs, I've written with all my heart and soul and put my naked soul on paper. There have been time when I've written and I've felt exhausted afterwards because the words have had to worked there way out of the major labyrinth that depression presents as an obstacle to creation.

I've been wondering how to write and be healthy since I've only known how to write and be sick. There has been so much to say and write about and so many words just wanting to burst out of my hands and pens. They've been pent up inside until I discovered that the only way to actually get back into writing is to write.

As boring as it may sound, practice makes perfect and now with limitless inspiration and motivation expect more, and more, and more.

I know I do.

Don't be a stranger! Loves